


Sass the Week

by lanaboo222



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry's awkward, He wears spandex shorts, Louis' pining for Harry, M/M, They all take the piss, They're all in fluffy onesies except Louis, game show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-10
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:41:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanaboo222/pseuds/lanaboo222
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis is the host of popular TV comedy ‘Sass the Week’ and Liam and Zayn are the team leaders. It just so happens this week Louis’ got the privilege of working along side his crush Harry Styles popstar who’s on the show as one of the guests.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sass the Week

Louis was pacing in front of his door waiting for the line up of his show next week to be delivered to him but the postman was late and he really needed to pee.   
He heard the neighbours dog bark and his heart fluttered much like every week and he ran to the door and opened it looking left and right seeing nothing out of the ordinary.  
He sighed and closed the door for the fourth time in the last ten minutes and continued on his pacing. If he didn’t at least burn off last nights Chinese takeaway he’d be pissed.  
It was only as his own dog Monty came running to the door barking his ridiculous yapping bark that the post arrived, Louis dived at it and grabbed it off the floor as Monty bounded around his ankles.  
He threw the unimportant bills onto the floor until he found the one he was looking for and threw the remaining letters in his hand over his shoulder.  
Slowly he opened the letter smiling to himself. He pulled it out and looked down at the guest list, grinning when he saw all of little mix would be there  
“Oh my god” he gasped dropping the letter and hurrying over to the sofa to sit down only to find himself running back to the letter and picking it up to check he’d read it right.  
And there clearly written in black and white ink below the name Niall Horan - which he’d have to prepare Liam for – was none other than pop sensation Harry Styles, Louis’ not so secret crush.  
“Fuck my life” Louis whined as he sank down the nearest wall and closed his eyes as Monty jumped onto his lap and began to lick his face. Maybe he was being dramatic, but then again, Harry Styles, end of argument.  
He grabbed his phone from his pocket and called up Zayn because he was always a good friend to talk to.  
“Hello?” Zayn answered after a few rings, Louis could hear the television on in the background and let out a breath  
“Zayn” He whispered  
“Oh god, I swear if you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom again I am not coming over to break the door down again” Zayn groaned  
“No, I’m on the floor in the living room” Louis replied opening his eyes and pushing Monty from his face  
“Why are you on the floor?” Zayn asked sounding bored  
“I’m having a nervous breakdown” Louis groaned standing up to resume his pacing, his dog running around his feet,  
“What’s happened now?” Zayn   
“A miracle, I must have done something super nice in my previous life” Louis breathed his hands shaking  
“Just tell me what’s happened” Zayn sighed and Louis gulped and bit his lip to stop himself from squealing  
“Are you sure your ready for this?” Louis asked, he cold almost hear Zayn roll his eyes  
“I swear if I’m let down by this, you’re getting nipple crippled on national television” Zayn replied  
“But are you sitting down?” He asked  
“Yes you twat, now tell me what’s shoved itself up your ass already” Zayn groaned, Louis smiled and decided to tell Zayn just after he took the opportunity Zayn handed to him  
“I wish it would, okay-”  
“Oh gross” Zayn muttered interrupting Louis who rolled his eyes and continued.  
“You’ll never guess-“  
“That’s why I’m asking you to fucking tell me” Zayn groaned, Louis bit his lip and giggled  
“Harry Styles is on the show” He squealed jumping up and down and running over to the sofa and jumping onto it to bury his head into the seat. Silence followed his statement followed by a sigh  
“You called me at nine in the morning to tell me that Harry Styles is on the show? You couldn’t have waited until a more appropriate time to-“  
“Little mix are on too” Louis cut him off, Zayn went silent and then made an odd choking noise  
“Oh my god, how do I have my hair?” He said  
“Anyway, god, what if Harry thinks I’m odd because I drool on him. What if I mess up the show because I get a boner when he looks at me? Oh my god-“ The phone dial beeped and Louis sat up slowly looking down at his phone “That bitch”  
He then decided to call Liam because Liam would also listen and he wasn’t a totally straight asshole. He called him and Liam answered on the third ring, the sounds of a Gym hitting Louis’ ears  
“Liam” Louis said breathlessly  
“Hey mate, everything okay?” Liam asked  
“No, everything is certainly not okay” Louis said throwing his head onto the back of his seat  
“Have you’ve locked yourself in the cupboard under the stairs again Louis?” Liam asked, Louis groaned and threw his hand over his eyes  
“That was a one time thing, why is everyone mentioning me getting stuck in places?” Louis whined  
“Because it’s a one time a week thing” Liam replied  
“I got tomorrows guest list” Louis said changing the subject, he hated being the one teased.  
“Oh, who’s coming?” Liam asked  
“sit your arse down, Payne” Louis said sternly  
“I am, I’m on the rowing machine” Liam replied  
“Little mix” He said  
“Zayn’ll love that” Liam replied  
“He did, Niall Horan” Louis said  
“what about him?” Liam asked  
“He’s on it”  
“No way” Liam breathed  
“and get this – Harry freaking Styles”  
“This is like all our fantasy’s joined together in some sick game-show of drool” Liam squealed  
“Oh my god I know, Liam what happens if we embarrass ourselves?” Louis whined  
“That’s nothing new for you, Lou” Liam chuckled  
“I know, but in front of Harry styles is a different subject entirely, what if he hates me? What if he thinks I’m a bell end?”   
“Don’t most of the guests on the show?”  
“That’s beside the point” Louis frowned “Anyways, I have to be sassy to them, the show is called Sass the week, and I was hired for my undeniably good Sass”   
“Sure Lou, how about we talk tomorrow?”  
“You’re both horrible friends and I’ll be talking to Lou in wardrobe to make you both look as ridiculous as possible in front of your crushes” Louis replied hanging up the phone and looking down at Monty  
“Well fluff ball, looks like it’s just you and me” Monty tilted his head to the side before standing up and scurried out of the room. “Why does no one love me” Louis asked the television which was on mute, an advert about headaches half way through. Louis switched it off and sank into the sofa.  
An hour later found him picking a shit up off of the pavement glaring at Monty who was sniffing a plant and ignoring how mortified Louis felt as he held the bag ahead of him and cursed the day he thought buying a dog was a good idea.  
He walked along the path throwing the poo into the bin and held up his middle finger to Nick Grimshaw as he stalked past him. He walked back into his own house and once again cursed the day he bought a house on the same street as Nick fucking Grimshaw.  
He spent the remainder of the day in his wardrobe throwing all his shirts around looking for one that was sexy yet casual enough to pass as just his usual wardrobe collection.  
He then spent another good half an hour playing with his hair deciding on how to have it the next day.  
He then sat on his sofa with a take away and watched five re-runs of friends before packing up his mess, throwing it in his bin, washing his teeth and falling into bed, Monty curled in his arms.  
He woke up reasonably early to Monty licking his face, he pushed him off and gave him a stroke behind his ears as his nerves finally set in.  
It felt like he was going to pass out after wetting himself and possibly throwing up a little. He stood out of bed and took himself to the bathroom where he stood in front of the mirror and took a deep breath.  
“I can do it” He whispered before turning away from it and stripping off before hopping in the shower. He tugged himself off trying not to think of Harry as he did because he didn’t want an accident to happen during the show, that and he was extremely horny having not been laid for months, it was honestly the worst.  
He dried himself, got dressed into his skinniest jeans and his tight white shirt with the button done up to the top before he quiffed his hair and looked at his reflection.  
His stylists would tweak his hair until it was perfect so that wasn’t too much of a issue and his bum looked amazing if he did say so himself.  
“Monty, come here boy” He called out and Monty came sprinting over to him, his sharp nails making clicking noises against the tiled floors.  
“do I look okay?” He asked, Monty’s tail wagged and he licked his cheek and Louis took it as a confirmation.  
He was far too nervous to eat more than a mouthful of toast and gave the rest to an awaiting Monty before he put Monty on his lead and walked from the house to his porche.  
The drive to the studios was always long, traffic was awful in London and it took twice as long as it should just to get a mile up the road.  
The studios were situated next to the Thames River in a reasonably nice location, Louis showed his ID to the man on the gate who let him in and he parked his car into his usual space.  
Louis got out of his car before picking Monty up and carrying him to the main entrance. As Louis turned the corner however a car pulled up and he turned and jumped behind the wall again looking around the corner, sighing as he saw Little mix jump out of the car all in onesies and Louis grinned as he walked around the corner nodding to the girls and passing Monty to one of the girls on the front desk. Monty was needed for the show so the stylists would want to wash and style his long fur, not that Louis minded, it just meant he didn’t have to do it himself.  
“Tomlinson” Perrie said throwing an arm around his shoulder  
“Edwards” Louis grinned; he’d worked with the girls before when he was presenting an award show.  
“Liking the jeans” Jesy winked slapping his arse causing Louis to jump and roll his eyes  
“Trying to impress anyone?” Leigh-Anne asked raising her eyebrows  
“n-“ Louis began but Zayn budged his way in standing as close to Perrie as possible  
“Yes he is, our little Lou here called me up in tears yesterday” Zayn winked  
“I was not in tears, if you’re going to humiliate me at least have the decency to do it honestly”  
“Fine, he calls me up squealing about how none other than-“  
“Oh, it’s Harry Styles” Jade whispered pointing to the door, everyone looked over to see Harry standing by the door keeping it open for Niall. Louis’ cheeks heated up and he tried to sink into the group turning back from the door  
“Oh” Perrie said looking from Louis to Zayn to Harry “That’s who he’s trying to impress?” She whispered, Zayn nodded with a grin.  
“Shh” Louis said gesticulating wildly at them as they both grinned evilly  
“Zayn” Liam called out and Louis sighed as Zayn looked away from him  
“what is it?” Zayn asked as Liam walked over  
“They want us in the dressing room” Liam said which made Louis remember something  
“Ah-ha” Louis said loudly making Perrie and Jesy jump and drop their arms from him “I have a mission, must leave before I forget” He said before hurrying past Liam and Zayn and towards the wardrobe department.  
“Lou” He called out as he opened the door “I need you”  
“What is it?” She called appearing from a pile of clothes  
“I want to piss off Liam and Zayn for being totally useless in my time of need, what’s the worst outfits we can dress them in?”  
“Well, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but I have a load of fluffy onesies” Lou said looking hopeful  
“What colours?” Louis asked  
“Blue and pink” She smiled  
“Do you have enough for all the members of the teams?” He asked  
“I do actually” She grinned throwing an arm around his shoulders “I like the way you think Louis” Louis just grinned kissed her cheek and left the room. Liam and Zayn were leading everyone to the wardrobe department to get their clothes ready and Louis smirked triumphantly trying not to look at Harry who was looking down at his feet with red cheeks as Niall muttered something to him.  
“Hey wankers, enjoy your outfits” Louis winked at Zayn and Liam as he passed. They stopped and eyed him  
“Our outfits?” Zayn asked, “We’re wearing this though” Zayn frowned pointing at his jeans and shirt  
“Oh babycakes, you think I’d let you wear normal clothes after you hung up on me yesterday?” Louis blinked innocently  
“What are you making us wear?” Liam asked, Perrie was doing rude hand gestures and pointing between him and Harry who was whispering to Niall so thankfully didn’t see any of it.  
“You know what Louis, if this is bad, you’ll regret it. You know I know your secret and you know I know you know you’ll regret messing with me” Zayn said seriously  
“So scared” Louis whispered before skipping off to his changing room and falling onto the seat with a small smile, Zayn could talk but he wouldn’t directly tell Harry, Louis knew that.  
An hour later and after Lou had come and sorted out his hair and put a bit of powder on his face Louis was walking onto the set, the audience cheering and clapping.  
“We’re filming in one minute” The camera man said as someone else tried to quieten the audience.  
Louis walked over to his seat in the middle of the two teams panels, Zayn didn’t look happy at all sat in a pink onesie but Harry looked thrilled as he stroked his arms lazily. The girls were indifferent. Liam kept looking at Niall who didn’t seem to even realise he was in a blue onesie. He sat down and caught Zayns eye and he smiled sweetly at him  
He played with the cue cards on his table telling him the names of each of the games they were going to be playing and which camera to look at.  
“I hate you” Zayn pouted  
“I love you too Zaynie and next time I ring you having a nervous breakdown what will you do?” Louis asked  
“Ignore the call and pretend I didn’t have my phone on me when you ask me why I didn’t pick up” Zayn grumbled.  
Louis looked at the others and caught Harrys eye, he looked away trying not too blush and cleared his throat   
“On in ten” The camera man said and Louis looked down at his desk  
“I’m going to embarrass the shit out of you and I have Liam and the girls in on it” Zayn whispered  
“I’m trembling” Louis smirked because they couldn’t be that bad on TV  
“four, three, two” the camera man motioned for him to begin and Louis smiled.  
“Hello and welcome to another thrilling episode of ‘Sass the week’ My name is Louis Tomlinson and as usual I am joined with Zayn Malik on the pink team” Louis spoke  
“It’s red” Liam rolled his eyes  
“And Liam Payne on the blue team” Louis continued “Hello peasants, having a nice day I presume?”  
“It was a lot better until I saw your face” Zayn said with a cheeky smirk, Louis turned to him and stuck out his tongue before looking back at the camera rolling his eyes.  
“That is irrelevant, now for Todays show we have some rather big names, let me get a cheer” Louis said, the audience let out an ear-splitting applause, Louis flinched back looking at the audience to see most of them were teenage girls probably there for Harry.  
“I’ll introduce the special guests, are you ready kids?” Louis asked  
“aye-aye captain” Zayn muttered  
“I heard that” Louis frowned at him, the audience chuckled as Louis turned back to the camera  
“Now because this such a big day, I decided special outfits were needed, so with Liam Payne on the blue team”  
“I don’t know why these were necessary” Liam muttered  
“In the fluffy blue onesies we have the one and only well actually its two of the four of Little mix, Hello girls, glad you could make it. Well maybe not you Perrie for some poor unfortunate is going to have to mop up Zayns drool by the end of the show, but I must say you’re all looking lovely as ever” Louis said to them  
“Thanks” Perrie grinned  
“Can I just say that I’m loving the blue hair Jade, very smurf matches the onesie”  
“Oh shut up” she laughed  
“Also Joining Liam Payne and half of Little mix on the blue team is guitar extraordinaire Niall Horan”  
“Alright, mate” Niall smiled  
“Where’s the guitar then?” Louis asked smiling at how down to earth Niall really was  
“They didn’t let me bring her on” he pouted  
“I’m sorry about that the producers are-“ Louis stopped hearing words in his ear “I’ve been told I’ll be escorted off stage if I continue that sentence so lets move on shall we” Louis chuckled running a hand through his hair  
“your hair is fine Louis” Zayn whispered  
“On the Pink team-“  
“Its meant to be red!” Liam groaned  
“Calm down, it’s not like you’re even on it!” Louis rolled his eyes before continuing “we have the lost members of Little mix, don’t worry girlies you’re in safe hands” Louis said with a smile looking pointedly at Zayn  
“I’d rather not know where his hands have been” Jesy replied earning a laugh from the audience, Louis chuckled  
“Probably for the best and finally, you may want to sit down, put away your knitting and pay attention for we have for one night only someone so-“  
“Get on with it” Liam laughed  
“I was building up suspense!” Louis pouted at Liam looking over at Harry who was watching him expectantly.  
“Give them a clue, like show your diary” Zayn said picking up Louis’ journal to the back page to reveal a large heart with Harry + Louis written inside it. Louis flushed   
“got to love the props” he laughed nervously “When the fuck did you go in my dressing room?” He hissed quietly to Zayn who smirked  
“Aren’t you going to introduce your future dream husband?” Liam joined in as Zayn turned the page to see ‘Louis Tomlinson-Styles’ and a picture Daisy and Phoebe had drawn of him and Harry.  
“Harry Styles everyone” He said trying to get the attention away from him as he tried to calm down his cheeks. He leant over the desk and grabbed his journal from Zayn and hit the back of his head with it.  
The entire room was going crazy as Harry raised his hand and waved at the camera, Louis hid an awh at how awkward he looked and sat down hiding his journal vowing to hide it better in future to keep it away from the prying eyes of Zayn as he waited until the cheers and screams of ‘I love you’ were over before smiling  
“Glad you could take time out of your busy schedule to be here wearing a fluffy pink onesie I may add, popstar”  
“Thanks” Harry said with a smile “I’m glad I can be here”  
“I think Louis was hoping you’d be sat closer to him” Zayn chuckled, Louis scrunched up one of his cue cards and threw it at Zayn who just laughed  
“Great that had what I was meant to say on it!” Louis said rolling his eyes “Well how about to fill this time we have a quick competition. Whoever answers correct gets to choose who’s smothered in Mustard, now on the count of three, one, two, GO! What’s my favourite colour?”  
“Harry Styles” Zayn smirked  
“Correct!” Louis laughed, “No but really, come on it’s for a bonus point”  
“Red?” Harry asked as he raised an eyebrow, cheeks a little red as Louis turned to him  
“Correct, see we’re getting to know each other already we’re practically besties” Louis said sending Harry a wink “Now who’d you like to mustard face?”  
“uhhh” Harry blinked “no-one really” he said slowly, Louis smiled at Harry as a voice in his ear told him to stop being a knob and get to the show.  
“That’s good because I’ve just been informed we in fact do not have any mustard in a television broadcasting studio, funny that” Louis said looking down at his cards.  
“you don’t say” Jesy rolled her eyes  
“Lets begin shall we” Louis said looking up at the camera and smiling “Round one is called “Quick does the trick”  
“bet it does” Zayn coughed into his hand  
“I will ask questions and the first to sound their buzzer answers” Louis said “Get it wrong and someone from the other team answers” Louis smiled  
“Which singer originated in Framlingham Suffolk and worked his way to the charts?” Louis asked, there was an odd squeak of ‘Perrie’ and Louis jumped looking around  
“That was the buzzer you twit” Jade laughed  
“Right” Louis frowned  
“Can I use a lifeline?” Perrie asked  
“This isn’t – We don’t have lifelines Perrie” Louis sighed  
“Okay, can you-“  
“Do you know the answer?” Louis asked  
“no” Perrie shrugged  
“Anyone on the pink team want to buzz in?” Louis asked, there was silence before ‘Harry’ sounded in the chipmunk voice. Harry giggled and Louis tried not to swoon  
“Is it-“  
“I ask the questions, Harry. You answer them” Louis chuckled  
“Right, Ed Sheeran”  
“Correct” Louis nodded “What is the name of the album released by Justin Timberlake in March 2013?  
Louis yet again jumped as the buzzer let out a high pitched ‘Zayn’ and Liam snorted into his fist.  
“Well?” Louis asked  
“The 20/20 experience, I got tickets to the tour” He grinned  
“Right, next question” Louis said with a roll of his eyes “In January of 2013, which member left Three Days Grace?” The buzzer let off a ‘Harry’ as Harry squealed too, Louis sent him a curious look  
“Sorry, it scared me” Harry replied looking embarrassed  
“Quite alright, the answer?”  
“Adam Gontier” Harry shrugged  
“Right, that round was shit” Louis said  
“Agreed” Jesy nodded  
“Next ones better” Louis smirked  
“Oh I like that face” Leigh-Anne smiled  
“Awh thanks hon” Louis grinned  
“Not your face in particular just the expression you pulled” She rolled her eyes  
“You said you liked my face, you can’t take it back now” Louis stuck out his tongue  
“To be fair Lou, none of us likes your face” Zayn shrugged  
“I do” Harry replied  
“See, and anyway you don’t like it, you love it” Louis smiled, Zayn rolled his eyes  
“you wish” He muttered  
“Round three” Louis began  
“Two” Liam added  
“Same difference, is ‘Handle the scandal’ In this one member of the team will be chosen to take part in a challenge with the help of the other team members to form a sentence. The challenge today involves bananas because we’ve all seen Harry’s obsession, and giant rubber ducks because they’re my obsession” Louis said  
“I thought Harry was your obsession” Leigh-Anne asked, high-fiving jesy  
“guys come on give the poor guy a break” Jade smiled  
“thank you” Louis sighed  
“it must be hard for him to be in the presence of his ultimate celebrity crush” she finished, Louis glared at her before looking away feeling slightly defeated by now.  
“I’d like to introduce you to Rufus and Ferdinand” Louis sighed pointing at the side of the set that opened, Louis dropped his head onto the table and too a deep breath, this was not how he’d wanted the day to go.  
The lights dimmed and the backdrop behind Harrys team rose into the air to reveal a large pond like area with two giant ducks fit with a pink and a blue bow-tie representing te team.  
“One member from each team will be chosen to take part” Louis said The lights dimmed except a spotlight over Harry and Niall. The audience screamed loudly and Louis smiled  
“If you’d life to go get ready for the challenge” Louis said to thm, they both stood up and walked to the door leading to wardrobe and Louis looked at the camera  
“The aim of the game is for the team to collect as many bananas as possible and on each banana is a question, this must be answered by the team mates, If everyone is ready I’d like to welcome Niall back for the blue team” Louis said, the croud screamed as Niall walked out in baby blue coloured swimming trunks, Louis clapped as Liam swooned and Niall picked up a blue fishing rod walked over to the pool, stepping in and waling to the duck wearing a blue bowtie and climbed on.  
“When the clock begins you’ll have a minute to hook and read off as many bananas as possible” Louis said “Time begins in five, four, three, two, one”  
Niall then tried to hook a banana almost slipping off the duck, Louis couldn’t help but imagine what Harry would look like in pink trunks as he rode a duck and he tried not to think about it too bad.  
“Who was the first person to win the x-factor?” Niall called out having picked up a banana  
“Oh shit, um will young?” Perrie asked  
“he was on pop idol surely?” Jade asked  
“Liam?” Perrie asked but Liam was too busy focused on Niall to notice anything.  
“No idea, Niall get another banana” Jade called out, Niall threw the banana out of the pond and continued fishing  
“Thirty seconds” Louis called out dreading the moment Harry would come from back room.  
“Who has the vevo record for the most views in the first 24 hours of its release date”  
“Miley Cyrus” Jade answered quickly  
“Ten”   
“Fuck this is harder than it looks” Niall groaned dropping a banana off the fishing line  
“that’s what Lou will be thinking when he sees Harry” Zayn snickered  
“Don’t remind me” Louis whispered  
“Two, one, times up you got one point” Louis said as Niall got off the duck and returned to his seat  
“Seriously, its really hard up there” Niall shook his head  
“Representing the pink team is Harry styles, come out here babe” Louis called, Harry walked out of the door and Louis choked on his tongue, Zayn jumped up and patted his back until Louis could breathe again. Harry was not in trunks, he was wearing the tightest pair of spandex shorts Louis had ever seen.  
“What the fuck are you wearing?” Perrie gaped, Harry smirked and spun around earning screams from the audience, Louis seemed to gather his thoughts and wolf whistled. Harry turned to him and his smirk remained  
“Well if you want to go ride- um get on the duck” Louis said, Zayns shoulders began to shake with silent laughter and Louis adjusted himself on the chair feeling himself responding a little to Harry.  
Harry waked over to the pool and Louis watched his bum and eyed up his legs before his eyes drifted to his chest and back down to his crotch where a nice sized bulge – Louis took a deep breath and looked at Zayn who was still silently laughing at Louis  
“Help” Louis whispered as he watched Harry step into the pool and immediately slip over. The crowd went into uproar and the panels began to laugh and even Louis couldn’t help but laugh as Harry stood up gasping and soaked but he soon lost his laughter as he watched the water running down Harrys body  
“oops” Harry chuckled before getting onto the duck and looking expectantly at Louis, Louis cleared his throat and looked back at the camera  
“One minute and your time starts in five, four, three , two, one”  
Harry began to try and hook the bananas with no luck at all, he fell off five times and Louis found his flailing limbs quite hypnotic.  
“Two, one. Times up Harold” Louis said  
“But I don’t want to stop” Harry pouted  
“Please do before Louis cums in his pants” Zayn said still laughing  
“too late” Louis grinned, Harry who was in the process of getting off the duck gasped, let go and fell into the water again. Niall laughed until his eyes shone with tears and Louis had to stop himself from running over to Harry because yes he may actually have a semi he didn’t want to show off to the world. Harry walked over to his seat and Louis threw a towel at him  
“That was a joke by the way” He added as Harry smiled shyly at him “Well however entertaining that was, you got no points” Louis continued as Harry ran the towel through his hair.  
“you should give him one because of those shorts, he has balls to come out wearing them” Leigh-Anne said  
“I think by now we all know he has balls” Jesy rolled her eyes  
“Can we stop talking about my balls please” Harry smiled at them lazily  
“I’m alright with this subject actually” Louis smirked, Harry raised his eyebrow with a rather dirty look on his face Louis didn’t think he’d every forget  
“Oh really?” He asked, Louis heard the producer Ben in his ear and listened with a sigh  
“Yup, but Ben says to continue the show and stop-“ Louis gave an affronted squeak to the camera “Ben shut up”  
“Can I ride the duck?” Perrie asked with a smile  
“After the show I’m sure” Louis grinned, Perrie fist pumped the air as Jesy whooped  
“I’m so keeping those ducks” Louis muttered looking at Zayn “Imagine the next pool party with those involved”  
“They would be pretty epic” Zayn agreed  
“Right, Harry and Niall you two go get dressed and dried off while we have the break, mental times await, go go go” Louis said as the director nodded that the camera was switched off. Louis watched Harry being assorted off to his dressing room and smiled as his assistant handed him a cup of tea  
“what are you two playing at?” He asked Liam and Zayn  
“by the end of this show, Harry will realise you’re mad for him and give you his number” Zayn winked  
“Why the fuck would he do that?” Louis rolled his eyes “He’s straight for starters”  
“Liam, care to explain” Zayn said sinking back in his seat  
“Well my dear friend” Liam began  
“I’m starting to second that thought” Louis muttered  
“If you haven’t seen those pining looks he’s been sending over to you then you must be fucking blind” Liam said  
“Every time he see’s you looking over at him, he blushes and I can here his breath hitching from here” Zayn added  
“On in thirty” The camera man called out as Niall joined them again.  
“Just, don’t sell yourself short and believe that the media isn’t completely right all the time” Liam said quietly  
“yeah, remember when they thought you were straight and dating Eleanor” Zayn laughed  
“That was the funniest article I think I ever read” Louis nodded  
“So, just trust us this once” Liam said patting his shoulder as Harry took his seat, hair still a little damp but his pink onesie back on.  
“Ten seconds” The cameraman said. Louis took some more of his tea and sent a salute to Perrie who was sending him rude signals and pointing at Harry after each.  
“Three, Two –“ the cameraman said  
“Hello and welcome back to sass the week where we are joined by Little mix, Niall Horan and Harry Styles. It’s quite the red carpet event here today. Now we’ll move on to our next round” Louis said to the camera “This round is called ‘Fail fan-mail’ and we’re going to show three fan-mail sent to a celebrity and you’ll have to say which celebrity it was meant for”  
“Will there be your letter to Harry here?” Leigh-Anne asked, Louis rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea  
“You’ll need your buzzer for his round, blue team test yours now” Louis said, The sound of marimba hit the audience and Harry grimaced  
“It’s like my morning nightmares” he shuddered  
“Pink team, test your buzzer now” Louis said, Harry grinned and slapped his hand on the buzzer and a loud fog horn sounded  
“Hey, that sounds like your snores” Jade said to Perrie  
“Oh fuck off” Perrie laughed  
“Right, picture one” Louis said looking backwards over his chair at the screen behind him, there was immediately the sound of a foghorn and Louis looked over to the pink team  
“they can’t spell” Harry muttered “Justin Bieber fan?” Harry asked  
“Are you saying all Justin Bieber fans can’t spell?” Louis asked trying not to coo at how Harrys cheeks went bright red  
“n-no that’s not- that’s not what I meant” Harry stuttered, Zayn burst out laughing  
“Harry you’ve no idea how to do this show do you, we’re meant to insult the things that why its called sass the week” He said  
“He’ll get into it” Louis said as Harry sank into his seat “He’s just too nice is all”  
“Opposite of you then” Jesy smirked  
“I can be nice when I want to be” Louis rolled his eyes “and yes Harry that was a Justin fan”  
“When can you be nice?” Liam asked  
“Next picture” Louis said turning in his seat  
The letter had hearts all over it and lipstick marks as if it had been kissed all over  
“Definitely Louis’ letter to Harry” Zayn snorted  
“There would be cum marks too” Perrie added, Louis didn’t look at them but he heard Harry choke. The letter was actually pretty cute.  
The foghorn sounded and Louis looked around  
“That’s a Ariana fan” Harry said eyes not meeting anyone’s.  
“Right, next picture” Louis nodded, Everyone looked up at the screen and Louis laughed at the picture.  
“I remember that, less fan mail than a death threat” Jesy laughed  
“I didn’t want my fans to send her hate” Harry bit his lip  
“It’s a very detailed picture” Jade said, Louis looked at her to see she had her head on the side  
“It turned out you’d never even dated her didn’t it?” Niall asked Harry  
“We were friends but after all of that she said it wasn’t worth our friendship”  
“So is this a taylor swift fan mail or Harry fan mail seeing as it relates to them both?” Leigh-Anne asked  
“Taylors because she was the one who received it” Harry said  
“Indeed” Louis nodded  
“Harry, you need to grow some balls and take the piss like the rest of us” Perrie said looking over at Harry  
“I-Its not very ni-“  
“you’re not really getting into this, you need to release your inner sass, come here” Louis said cutting Harry off and ushering Harry over to him  
Harry grinned and walked around to Louis’ chair shuffling Louis up to sit on it too, Louis looked at Harry who was watching him and pulled Harry to sit on his lap instead.  
“Kiss, kiss, kiss” Niall chanted under his breath  
“Now Harry, say with me” Louis ignored Niall and looked at Harry instead,  
“Okay” Harry nodded looking seriously at Louis  
“I am Harry” Louis smiled  
“I am Harry” Harry repeated  
“I have Sass” Louis continued  
“I have Sass” Harry replicated again   
“Now believe it!” Louis said pointing at Harry  
“Now-“  
“No, no” Louis laughed “Believe you have sass, and get your little arse back over there, I believe in you” Louis said as Harry grinned and stood up. Louis smacked Harrys bum as he went and Harry grinned until he was sitting down again. Half the audience were going crazy and the other half were watching intently.  
“I am Harry I have sass, Louis Tomlinson smacked my ass” Harry sang under his breath causing Zayn to snort into his water. Louis smiled and looked at Zayn who rolled his eyes and groaned.  
“Round Four. This is ‘Guess the mess’ in which I reveal a prop and you have to talk about what recent celebrity it relates too” Louis said reading off the card, trying to fan himself discreetly with it.  
“you’re not going to show us your dirty bed sheets are you because it’s pretty obvious who that relates to” Zayn smirked high fiving Jesy who laughed loudly  
“Oh my god, shut up” Louis blushed laughing face palming as everyone laughed, Niall more than most. “Bring on exhibit A, and no it’s not my bed sheet”  
“wouldn’t mind seeing your bed sheet” Harry muttered looking over at him smugly, Louis had taken that moment to take a sip of tea and subsequently choked on it and spat it across the desk.  
Music filled the room and the lights dimmed leaving Louis to choke as the camera zoomed in on the prop being wheeled into the middle of the stage. The lights rose again and Louis cleared his throat.  
“As you can see it’s a large lot of nothing” Louis said, keeping his eyes away from Harry’s direction, not trusting himself to look right yet  
“That’ll be what you’re picturing Harry in right now” Perrie said, everyone laughed and Louis slid down his seat a little  
“Or what chance you have with him” Jesy added,  
“Or how much sense you have in your brain” Liam added  
“Maybe it’s for how little-“  
“It’ll be miley Cyrus ‘couse she went naked in her video” Harry said frowning, Louis sighed in relief as everyone groaned at Harry. He shrugged his shoulders and sent Louis a small smile.  
“Yeah, you’re right” Louis cleared his throat pretending the words the others were saying didn’t hurt as much as they did, he was almost entirely thankful that Harry appeared to have realised and helped. “With the release of her new single came the shocking video, come on Miley some guys don’t want to see you naked on a ball” Louis read off the card before looking up “Bring on the second prop” He said taking a deep breath as the lights lowered and putting on a hopefully convincing fake smile as the lights came back up and the next prop was released.  
“Well isn’t that just adorable” Louis smiled genuinely as his puppy sat there looking around at them  
“Awh” Harry cooed “can I touch it?” He asked looking hopefully at the girl dressed in black who had Monty on his lead  
“wait until the round is over please Harry” Louis chuckled  
“You are aware he’s talking about the dog and nothing on you right?” Zayn smirked, Louis stood up with that and walked to Zayn before hitting him over the head, turning back around and sitting back down with his head held high “So which celebrity does this dog respond with?”  
“Is it because Brittany spears got that haircut like a poodle?”  
“It’s not a poodle, it’s a Pomeranian” Liam said smiling at the dog  
“Well what about The wanted because they called that girl a bitch”  
“The dog has a penis” Perrie shrugged  
“True”  
“Why were you looking” Jade questioned  
“Well I was – oh shut up” Perrie sighed, Louis looked around to see if anyone would answer it properly or not.  
“Louis would totally be Harrys bitch” Niall smirked. Harry snickered and covered his mouth.  
“Niall not you too” Louis whined as Niall laughed, Louis sighed and dared a look at Harry who was looking down at the table blushing, hand still over his mouth his cheeks growing even worse as Leigh-Anne poked his cheek   
“Oh, I know” Jesy said suddenly “It’s because Lady Gaga took her dog to the Music awards and it did a shi-“  
“In the middle of the stage” Leigh-Anne cut in  
“Yeah, exactly, Lady Gaga ignored the no pets allowed notice and took her pet dog with her, as soon as she went to collect her prize, she got a special surprise too. Of course she got her assistant to pick up the mess, If I was going to take an animal with me, I’d go all out and ride in on an elephant” Louis shrugged and clicked his fingers “If you want to cuddle Monty you have exactly twenty seconds, Three, Two One, Gaga” He said. Harry tripped his way out of his chair causing it to fall over backwards as he hurried off to the dog cooing as he went. Jade wasn’t far behind him. Louis smiled as Niall scuttled over followed by the others.   
“Okay, now back to work. And if you didn’t know this is actually my little angel Monty” He smiled as the girl walked Monty over to Louis. He picked him up and smiled as Monty’s tail wagged and he was licked at. The girl walked off and Louis picked up his cue cards as Monty lay on his lap.  
“I didn’t know you had a dog” Perrie said “I’m surprised he’s even still alive”  
“Fuck off, I look after him extremely well” Louis pouted  
“You want a medal?” Zayn asked  
“On to the last prop of this round then” Louis said ignoring Zayn, as the light dimmed. He heard Harry pick up his chair, a loud crash and Leigh-Anne and Jesy’s laughs. The lights came back up to find Harry standing up from the floor with a red face.  
“Do we need to teach you how to sit on a chair, too?” Louis smiled at him  
“It was dark!” Harry replied, cheeks getting redder as people focused on him   
“As you say” Louis smirked  
“How would you teach me to sit on a chair exactly?” Harry asked with a slight smirk  
“Well it would include squatting and standing and bending-“  
“We don’t want to hear about what positions you want to-“  
“Woah there” Louis said “I’m not sure how you do shit but squatting would be extremely difficult”  
“Standing would be pretty difficult too I’d say, bending however would be-“  
“Harry!” Leigh-Anne laughed  
“What?” Harry asked  
“N-nothing” She giggled  
“Right The final prop is – what the fuck is that?” Louis blinked, cheeks going red  
“Your bed sheets?” Zayn snickered  
“It is not, fuck off” Louis snapped and looked down at his cue cards  
“It is bed sheets but not mine” Louis said looking at Zayn and mouthing ‘Douche’ at him Zayn just smiled  
“Harry stop looking at Louis crotch” Perrie laughed  
“Hey, I’m looking at his puppy” Harry replied looking away from Louis, Louis shook his head and patted Monty’s head who yawned and let out a rather loud snort  
“He’s just like his master!” Liam said, Niall laughed and nodded  
“I can see it”  
“bugger off, I do not snort” Louis grunted  
“Are they Harrys bedsheets because he’s a whore?” Perrie asked looking at her nails”  
“I am not” Harry frowned   
“How many girls have you been with anyway?” Jesy asked, Harry blushed and looked at the table  
“one” he frowned  
“One?” Jade asked  
“Yeah?” Harry replied looking up and around at them  
“Only one? Mate you’re seen with a new girl on your arm every week” Zayn said, Harry scoffed but seemed to turn it into a shrug  
“Is it because Kim Kardashian sold the bed sheets she apparently conceived her baby in?” Harry asked not looking at anyone. Louis blinked in shock and shook his head to clear it before clearing his throat  
“Right, yeah kim Kardashian recently put her bed sheets on ebay raising money for her clothing range, it went for one point two million. I’d say something about mine but I don’t want them ripping into me” Louis pouted glaring at Zayn and Liam who both smiled innocently. Louis didn’t like them sometimes  
“We were joking Harry, sorry” Leigh-Anne said patting Harrys arm, Harry hummed and nodded before looking up at Niall who sent him a comforting smile  
“This next round is called ‘Hit or Shit’ it’s not actually but I think it sounds better than ‘Hit or miss’ In this game I will play you a clip of a music video and you need to say if it got more than a million hits on Youtube or if it’s got less, you know because it’s shit” Louis said scratching Montys head as he spoke into the camera  
“Some shit songs get loads of hits though” Liam said  
“Yeah like Harrys” Jesy snorted  
“You’re mean” Harry pouted  
“Perrie don’t be mean to Harry” Louis said  
“You’re only defending him because you want to see what lies beneath those jeans of his”   
“They’re tight enough that he doesn’t need to imagine which is why he’s got a dog on his lap to hide his obv-“  
“Harry’s right, you are mean” Louis replied sticking his tongue out at her  
“You love it” She smiled smugly, Louis heard Zayn Sigh and Jesy laugh  
“Paul, grab Monty and put him in my dressing room” Louis called; Monty looked up at him and promptly jumped off his lap and ran off into the audience.   
“Just like his master” Jade muttered  
“Here is the first clip, everyone watch the screen behind me and try not to get to distracted by my amazingness” Louis said posing at the camera before going cross eyed  
“Beautiful” Leigh-Anne snorted  
“You all would, don’t deny it” Louis said running his hands down his side wiggling his hips best he could sitting down.  
“I would” Niall laughed  
“mhmm” Harry hummed before the lights dimmed and Louis spun around to the board watching the beginning of a shitty music video of someone he’d never actually heard of before  
“well I’d say that was shit” Zayn muttered  
“you mean a miss” Liam added  
“No, it was really shit” Zayn replied  
“agreed” Perrie nodded  
“That was more shit than everything that comes out of Louis’ mouth” Jesy said  
“I wish you’d al pick on someone else” Louis rolled his eyes  
“We are, we’re picking on you and Harry and your obvious sexual tension” Leigh-Anne replied  
“That was a Shit- I mean miss, next song” Louis said looking at the board.  
Another video showed and Louis rolled his eyes turning back to the front, of course they’d play Harrys video, the one where he’s stood in the rain singing about not letting him go, Louis would most definitely never let him go if he could ever get him in the first place.  
“Shit” Perrie said smirking over at Harry as the clip ended and paused on a picture of Harry, his hair flopping into his eyes and his eyes closed looking emotional and those lips  
“Hey” Harry frowned  
“Yeah I agree with Perrie” Zayn nodded  
“Of course you would” Liam chuckled  
“Louis stop staring at the screen and host the show like a good boy” Jade said with a smirk. Louis cleared his throat and looked around  
“Well we all think it’s shit but we’re going to say it’s a hit because people all seem to like the shit stuff” Jesy said  
“Yeah, hit because Harry is a lad” Niall said sending Harry a smile  
“Of course it’s a hit” Louis rolled his eyes  
“Suck up” Zayn coughed into his fist  
“What I’m just stating a fact” Louis shrugged before smiling at Harry and looking back at the board hearing Harry mutter  
“He could suck up to me any day” So maybe Harry could be bi, a lot of people were nowadays.  
“lastly” Louis said his voice sounding a little odd as they watched a god awful video that had nothing to do with what the song was about  
“That was a masterpiece” Harry said  
“What?” Niall asked with a disgusted look on his face  
“I-I was being sarcastic, that’s what everyone else keeps doing”  
“Oh thank god for a moment there mate, I thought you were having a mental breakdown or something” he sighed clutching his heart  
“Don’t have a heart attack Niall or Liam may take it upon himself to give you mouth to mou-“ He was cut off by Liam throwing a box of tissues at him and he glared at him  
“So it’s fine when you tease me but you can’t handle it the other way around?” He sneered  
“Oh just go back to sucking Harry off in your head” Liam said  
“Only when you go back to fucking Niall in yours” Louis smiled sweetly, Zayn began to laugh  
“Shut up Zayn and go back to picturing me in that moth ball of yours” Perrie rolled her eyes. Zayn turned scarlet and the whole room laughed.  
“Oh god stop, I’m gunna pee” Niall said looking remarkably calm after being told Liam thought about fucking him.  
“On that note so we don’t have a nice little puddle we’ll go for a short break, see you in a few” Louis said saluting the camera, the camera man nodded and Niall jumped up and ran off to the toilets, Louis stood up and stretched his back catching Harry looking at his chest as he did, so he made a bit of a show of it before walking over to Liam and bending over the desk, his bum in Harrys direction because if there was the slightest chance Harry wasn’t entirely into the females, Louis knew he had a nice bum and he was not going to let it go to waste.  
“Is he looking?” Louis asked  
“Depends what you’re asking that he’s looking at” Liam chuckled  
“He’s staring at your arse” Perrie whispered  
“Perfect” Louis grinned earning himself a smack over the head from Jade “Ow, what?” He pouted  
“why are you over here, go and talk to him you moron” She rolled her eyes  
“My arse is a better vie than my face” He shrugged  
“You’re so fucking blind I swear” Perrie groaned  
“Go and talk to him for the last minute before we’re back on” Liam sighed  
“Okay but if I fall on my face or look like a tit, I’m holding it against you for the rest of your life” Louis said  
“and if you go talk to him I guarantee that Harry will be holding his thing against you for the rest of his life”  
“Or shoving Louis against the wall more like, look at the look he’s sending” Perrie whispered with a low whistle  
“What, what’s he looking like?” Louis asked wanting to look but also not wanting Harry to realise they’d been talking about him  
“Go over there and maybe you’ll see it” Liam smirked  
“I hate you all” Louis groaned before standing up and turning to walk to Zayns table  
“He was totally checking your arse out mate” Zayn whispered as Louis passed  
“So I’ve heard” Louis rolled his eyes  
“Don’t let me keep you” He winked, Louis sighed and walked over to Harry  
“Enjoying yourself today?” He asked  
“Yeah, it’s been great” Harry grinned “Watched like all the shows, feels surreal to actually be on it”  
“You watch the show?” Louis asked surprised, he sat on the desk sideways looking down at Harry who leant back on his chair and looked up at him  
“Yeah, why?” He asked  
“Just didn’t think you would, it’s a bit… weird” Louis shrugged, he was a little embarrassed that Harry had seen him acting like a total idiot, but by the look on Harrys face he didn’t exactly think it  
“It’s not, I like it” Harry defended “It’s funny and you make me laugh” Louis tried to hide his blush because he made Harry laugh not just the show and somehow that made his insides feel warm.  
“I’m glad then, so is it living up to your expectations?” He asked  
“Well, usually they don’t pick on you so much” he smirked and Louis felt his cheeks warm up again  
“Yeah, they’re trying to show off you see, Zayn’s got this huge thing for Perrie and as much as Liam tries to deny it, he’s crushing on Niall pretty damn hard” Louis said, Harry nodded and smiled and Louis knew he knew, he just could feel that Harry believed it all.  
“Don’t tell your dog, but I think I’m in love with him” Harry whispered loudly, Louis grinned and shook his head  
“I promise not to tell” Louis rolled his eyes “But I have a feeling he feels the same, don’t tell him I told you but you were definitely his favourite guest today”  
“Bet you’re just saying that’s what your dog thinks and that’s actually what you think” Harry replied  
“What can I say, it’s the curls” He replied with a smile  
“Of course, they tend to do that” Harry nodded looking serious before smiling  
“You know Harold, you’ve been a singer an awfully long time yet we’ve never had a full conversation before which leads me to think, you’re avoiding me aren’t you” He pouted, Harry shrugged  
“Is it that obvious?” He shrugged, Louis pouted at him and Harry grinned  
“On in thirty” The camera man called out  
“You’d best get back to your throne” Harry smirked  
“maybe I don’t want to” He replied “You can’t make me”  
“I’m sure I could, you look easy enough to carry” Harry replied and Louis got an image of Harry picking him up and shoving him against a wall clear as anything in his mind. His ears turned red and he shook himself out of it.  
“I’d like to see you try” He challenged  
“on in ten, Tomlinson” The camera man called, Louis looked challengingly at Harry who shrugged and moved to stand up, Louis laughed and an to his seat,  
“Two-“ the camera man signalled for Louis to continue  
“Welcome back. Right, round whatever number this is, is called ‘guess the intro’ We will hear three songs and you have to identify the song by the opening intro, only it’ll be played on a kazoo”  
“kazoo?” Jade asked  
“I’m better at the triangle myself” Zayn replied  
“I’m aces at the trumpet” Jesy shrugged  
“Ding dong, here comes the first track, pay attention” Louis sang out, the others quietened down  
“I can play the kazoo” Harry whispered to Leigh-Anne  
“Silence, Harry or I’ll put you in the corner” Louis replied  
“What if I want to go in the corner?” Harry replied  
“Why would you want to go in the corner?” Louis raised an eyebrow  
“Corners are nice, very corner-y” Harry replied  
“You” Louis paused smiling at Harrys goofy smile “Are an idiot”  
“Louis wants to corner you in the corner and have his way with you” Jesy whispered to Harry past Leigh-Anne who giggled. Louis rolled his eyes  
“First track here we go” The kazoo began to play something and Louis frowned at the ceiling, it sounded like some animal being hurt badly. Liam had his hands over his ears and Niall was giggling uncontrollably into his water. Once it finished the studio was left in silence  
“What the fuck” Perrie said slowly  
“I can play the kazoo better, I volunteer as kazooist” Harry said earning an elbow in his rib from Leigh-Anne  
“I’m not even going to try and guess” Jade shook her head  
“Was that like, every song ever played into one horrible sounding torture song?” Liam asked  
“Close, it was Friday by Rebecca black” Louis said  
“It sounded nothing like that” Jesy grimaced  
“Next track and make this better” Louis said, it wasn’t any better at all  
“Is it the same one as before?” Harry asked  
“Surprisingly not” Louis shook his head  
“I think I’m getting a headache” Liam said rubbing at his head  
“Give us a clue” Harry said  
“I’m not allowed to give any clues!” Louis laughed  
“Please?” Harry said as he pouted over at Louis and he had to take a deep breath  
“’fraid not Harry, you’re going to have to use that head of yours” He said  
“If you give us a clue we’ll make sure he uses his head on you” Zayn winked nudging Louis who rolled his eyes and cleared his throat  
“No clue guys come on, guess”  
“loud noise by the Kazoo” Niall said  
“It was Roar by Katy Perry” Louis replied rolling his eyes. “Someone get a new kazzoist for the next song”  
The Kazoo sounded, still pretty awful but Louis could actually hear the tune behind it  
“I have no idea” Niall frowned “Like I could hear at least something” He shrugged  
“Come on, I’ll ask all of you, someone has to get this” Louis said “Even I know this one”  
“You’re the host surely you’re supposed to know” Jade asked  
“Not until the answer is to be revealed I’m just as in the dark about it as you”  
“You know there’s Larry fanficiton” Niall piped up, everyone looked at him “You know Louis and Harry, Larry, people ship it, it’s a real thing”  
“No way” Jesy laughed, a few people in the audience cheered. Louis’ cheeks went red and he looked at Perrie and jade  
“Any idea about the song?”   
“None, but I think you should-“ Louis turned to Liam who shrugged and smirked, Louis turned to Zayn  
“Fuck knows” Zayn shrugged, Louis sighed and turned to Jesy and Leigh-Anne  
“Larry” Jesy whispered, Louis rolled his eyes and looked at Harry  
“You have to know what song that was” He said, Harry went pink and shook his head  
“should I?” he asked  
“I’d have thought so, how could you not get that, it was one of your own songs!” Louis laughed; Harry blushed and looked down at the table  
“Well after that round the scores stay the same, you’re all awful at that game, and more than half of you are musicians”  
“You didn’t know any of them either” Zayn rolled his eyes  
“I knew the last one”  
“Because you get yourself off to it” Liam piped up  
“Seriously guys will you stop this now” Louis replied “It’s getting old”   
“Like you” Perrie said with a smirk  
“I am not old” Louis gasped  
“Is that a gray hair I see?” Jesy chuckled  
“So Harry, I’m worried. Have you got a girlfriend we need to protect from the wrath of a Jealous Louis?” Liam asked changing the subject  
“Err, what? No” Harry frowned  
“Revenge is so worth taking your sassy ass shit all the time, I’ll tell you that now” Liam smirked at Louis who gave him a middle finger.  
“I hate to break it to you, Liam. But you’ll never be taking my arse darling” Louis smirked  
“I never thought I would, we all know whos name comes before ‘take my sassy ass’ you talk in your sleep, did you know?” Liam smiled  
Everyone looked at Harry at that moment who’d picked up his water before his eyes went wide and he looked around confused  
“Oh Harry take me please” Zayn laughed, Perrie snorted and Jade buried her head into Perries shoulder, shoulders shaking. Niall cackled as Liam laughed. Harrys water slipped from his fingers which covered Jesy and Leigh-Anne who squealed  
Louis’ cheeks were bright red and he couldn’t even hide it, He glared at Zayn who was laughing almost as hard as Niall. Half of the audience were laughing and the other half were whispering silently. Louis took a deep breath and decided to act like Zayn hadn’t just said what he had  
“Harry if you could control yourself, I’d appreciate it if you stopped getting the girls wet” Louis said before clearing his throat. Niall laughed even louder if that was possible, his face bright red and his head thrown back  
Harrys face was a colour to rival Nialls and his eyes were wide and staring at Louis  
“I-I” He stuttered before Louis felt something ice cold hit him and cover him and he squealed and looked down as water ran from his face down his shirt, he looked up at Zayn who smiled innocently  
“Louis’ wet for you too Harry” He smirked  
“You’re dead to me” Louis said steadily before shaking his head and sending water flying at Zayn and Liam who were sat closest.  
“We have a nipple shot” Perrie Said, Louis looked down at his shirt to see it was now going see through and he glared at Zayn  
“Now everyone’s seen my boobs shall we continue” He said running a hand through his hair so it didn’t stick to his forehead.  
Harrys cheeks seemed to be a permanent red now which Louis felt suited him quite well and Louis tried not to smile as he watched Harrys eyes drift to his see-through shirt and away quickly before back again.  
“It’s time for ‘lets get snappy’ in this round you’ll see a picture and the celebrity has been blurred out, tell us who you think it is and guys” He paused for extra effect “make it snappy” the audience laughed and Louis smiled to himself, he lived to make other people laugh and be cheered up.  
A picture appeared on the screen and Louis turned around to see what it was, he looked at a picture of a celebrity getting into a taxi looking a little drunk, face blurred out  
“It’s Cher” Niall said smiling  
“No it isn’t that person is blonde” Harry replied  
“I knew that” Niall responded and Louis looked down at his cue cards and smiled  
“Is it Jennifer Lawrence?” Zayn said  
“It can’t be she cut her hair”  
“True, it’s Rita Ora” Harry said  
“Correct, Harry you’re good at this game, but you still need to work on your sass” Louis said, feeling his neck heat up as Harry caught his gaze  
“I think you have enough for the both of us” Harry smirked  
“Very true” Louis nodded “And yes, this picture is indeed Rita Ora taken after she left the VMA’s last week, she got a little drunk from the champagne and fell into the taxi” Louis said “Moving on” He said as the next slide showed.  
“That’s someone in a banana costume” Zayn blinked and Harry sank down in his chair  
“This isn’t even funny” He groaned as the audience laughed  
“I think it suits him actually” Niall said  
“Brings out his… longness” Jesy laughed  
“Yellow is so your colour” Liam laughed  
“You’re embarrassing him” Jade giggled, Louis watched Harry sink down his seat covering his face with his hands   
“It was for charity” Harry said moving his hands down onto the table  
“That’s what they all say” Louis smirked at him, Harry picked the scrunched up cue card Louis had thrown at Zayn earlier and threw it at Louis. Louis blinked as it hit his forehead and he gasped  
“Harold, that’s naughty” Harry shrugged “Go stand in the corner and think about what you did wrong, but angle your bum in my direction, want to have a nice view” Louis winked feeling like he should just accept that today was a disaster and there really wasn’t much left to loose  
Harry stood up with a pout and the audience awh’d him as he walked slowly over to the corner looking back at Louis with a pout every few seconds. He stuck his bum out as he leant his head against the wall  
“This is odd” Leigh-Anne said as Harry wiggled his bum, Louis waited until the audience calmed down  
“Alright, get your self back over here” Louis called and looked back at the camera “That of course was a picture of Harry dressed as a banana for his charity event last we-“ Louis stopped as Harry sat down on his lap instead of his own seat and blinked at him “can I help?” He asked  
“You told me to come over here but you didn’t specify where” Harry smiled leaning into Louis and looking at the camera. Louis blinked and looked at the camera  
“Right” Louis said “So this is the next slide” He said as he looked over his shoulder, cheek to cheek with Harry who tensed up as the next slide showed  
It showed the silhouette of two boys kissing outside a club and one of them was in no doubt Harry even with his face blurred.  
“Wait, what?” Niall said loudly as everyone looked over at Harry. Louis frowned and looked at him too  
“where’d you even find this?” Harry asked looking at Louis  
“I don’t get the pictures I just embarrass myself as I host the show” Louis said, “So were you extremely drunk or?”  
“um, no?” Harry replied going slightly pale as everyone looked at him, Louis looked back at the camera trying to ignore everything goin on inside him, was he drunk, was he bi, gay? There was jealousy too because who the fuck even is Harry kissing and why couldn’t it have been him.,  
“well that’s new” He said, loud sobbing filled the silence and everyone turned to look at a girl in the audience  
“Awh, Harry you made her cry” Perrie said  
“Please don’t cry” Harry replied looking completely torn up and worried, Louis was enthralled over how much he obviously cared for his fans.  
“was it a one off or are you like Louis?” Jesy asked turning to look at Harry. Louis placed his hand on Harrys side as he picked up his cue card  
“Oh um, like um”  
“It’s impossible to have a conversation with this guy!” Jesy replied laughing   
“I’m not sure I’m happy with you using my name to define the-“ Louis frowned at her  
“No one cares if you’re happy about it babe” Jesy smiled  
“You’re mean” Louis pouted  
“Deal with it babe, or you can always get Harry to deal with it for you” She winked  
“That made no sense at all” Jade rolled her eyes “You have to make the sexual innuendo link into the previous statement”  
“boff” Perrie smiled pushing her cheeks in her hands and squashing them together, Jade rolled her eyes.  
“So obviously the guy in the photo is Harold himself, Who’s acting a little shy right now, well all show really” Louis said into the camera poking Harrys side, Harry seemed to relax a little into him again “anyone know why?”  
“Because he’s got a crush on you and doesn’t want to look like an idiot in front of you” Niall said with a roll of his eyes  
“Niall!” Harry said eyes wide, Louis felt his stomach drop and then swoop as he looked between Harry and Niall  
“I’m sorry Harry but it’s pitiful watching this” Niall rolled his eyes. Louis cleared his throat and looked into the camera to continue on with the show ignoring his blushing cheeks  
“After that round of ‘let’s get snappy’ the scores stand at seven point two to Liams team and Two point one points to Zayn’s because I don’t like him”  
“Hey!” Zayn said as a voice filled his ear and he rolled his eyes  
“I’ve just been told to tell you that Liams team have three points and Zayns team have eleven. You always spoil my fun Ben” Louis said looking into the camera before tapping his cue cards against the desk   
“You two look cute” Jade grinned and Louis felt his cheeks heat up as Harry wrapped his arms around Louis and grinned  
“Don’t we just” He nodded, Louis gulped and looked at his cue card  
“This is the final round and it’s called ‘Guess who’ So each of our guests on the panel gave a secret that nobody knows about them and they have been placed on the board, each team has to guess which secret belongs to which member”  
“Do I have to go back to my seat?” Harry asked pouting  
“Nope” Louis responded easily trying not to smile as Harry grinned and wriggled himself into a more comfortable position.  
“Right here are the secrets, I’ll read them out.   
1.I take videos of my animals and then do voice over from star wars,  
2.I like to shower wearing my onesie when no-ones at the house.   
3.I rub myself in strawberries because I think I smell fruity and nice afterwards.   
4.I have a massive crush on one of the sass the week guys.   
5.I’m not as straight as I’m made out to be.   
6.I once kissed a llama and it spat in my face.   
7.I once wet myself on stage but it didn’t show through my clothes because I was wearing black.  
8.I used to want a pet hippo just so my friends at school would be jealous” Louis looked at the cue card and blinked before looking up at the others “We have some quite personal to some god awful embarrassing ones” He said   
“you’re making me wet” Harry said suddenly, Niall laughed loudly  
“Personal indeed” Zayn muttered  
“I do that sometimes” Louis smirked squeezing Harrys side making the most of being so close to him in the short time they had of the show left.  
“No I mean your shirts making me wet” Harry corrected himself  
“It’s because you can see my boobs isn’t it” Louis grinned grabbing his chest with his free hand, Harry pouted and sighed  
“shut up, it’s hard to sit-“  
“I bet it is, is something poking you? However much he tries to convince you that it’s his phone, it’s not” Zayn winked  
“It actually is my phone by the way” Louis winked, Harry laughed and shook his head  
“You all suck” he sighed  
“You’d like to suck-“ Jesy began  
“Woah, okay” Louis laughed as Harry simply smiled and shrugged at her. Louis gulped and tried to hide the thoughts in his head because no matter how mch they joked about it, if he actually got a boner it’d be the most embarrassing moment of his life.  
“Zayn’s team you decide whose secrets are whos on Liams team if you will”  
“I think jade is the strawberries” Jesy said “She smells like strawberries a lot and I think she’s straight so that’s out of the question, I don’t think she’d kiss a llama either”  
“Jade I agree with that” Leigh-Anne said “but I think that Perrie’s is the onesie because she likes to wear one”  
“Zayn?” Jesy asked  
“I’m going to say that jade is the strawberries, Niall is the videos and Perrie is the onesie?” Zayn said “Harry?”   
“Yeah, maybe” Harry shrugged leaning his head on Louis shoulder   
watching the others   
“Okay and Liams team choose which you think are the right answers for the other team” Louis said as he ran his hand up and down Harrys side wondering which one was Harrys secret  
“I think that Harrys is the crush on the ‘sass the week’ crew” Niall smirked  
“No, his must be the straight one” Perrie shook her head  
“You think?” Niall asked  
“Jesy, I think Jesy’s is the hippo one” Perrie said  
“Yeah I think that too” Jade nodded, Louis bit his lip and looked to Harry who was watching the others from his shoulder and he was folded into him like he was meant to be there  
“Louis stop looking at Harry and take our answers” Liam said  
“Okay” Louis said looking at Liam “I mean-“ But it was too late they were all laughing at him, he sighed and raised an eyebrow at Liam  
“Go on then”  
“Right” Liam smirked “We think Leigh-Anne is the Llama, Jesy is the hippo-“  
“Oh thanks” Jesy said Louis grinned at the sassy look Liam received, Liam just shrugged and laughed and looked at Harry  
“We think Harrys is the one about being straight”  
“and a face will appear beside the secret told when you walked in” Louis said turning to look at the board, He felt Harry bury his face into his shoulder and frowned as faces appeared by the statements.  
“So no-one makes videos of their animals, actually that was one of mine so” Louis added he felt Harry smile against his shoulder and bit his lip before continuing “Niall showers in a onesie, that’s really weird mate” Louis laughed, Niall shrugged and smiled  
“Jade rubs herself in strawberries, again a little weird, Perrie has a crush on one of the ‘sass the week’ boys, my money goes on Zayn” Louis said, Perrie blushed as did Zayn. “Harry isn’t-“ Louis throat went a little dry and he cleared his throat “Harry isn’t as straight as he’s made out to be” He read he felt Harry grip onto his side firmly as the studio went completely silent “Jesy kissed the llama” Louis continued  
“Yeah it spat in my eye” She laughed trying to defuse the tension, Louis smiled at her gratefully as he felt Harrys grip tighten, the audience hadn’t made a noise at all and so Louis placed his free hand over Harrys to comfort him and Harry buried his face further into Louis’ shoulder.  
“and Leigh-Anne wet herself, lovely” Louis rolled his eyes  
“It was a very long concert and I forgot to go before it” She defended herself. Louis looked into the camera  
“Well there is something’s you didn’t know, and also something else you didn’t know, my dog is currently running loose with six people trying to catch him” Louis said pointing at the side of the studio where Monty was running around excitedly getting cornered by the producers and directors. The cameras panned on them as Louis looked down at Harry, the noise of the audience was now loud, a few people watching Louis’ dog, others chatting to their friends and some of them crying into their friends shoulders.  
“Harry” He whispered, Harry looked up at him nervously  
“yeah?” He asked  
“You okay?” He asked, Harry nodded and then looked over to the source of the noise in the room to see Monty making a run for it towards Louis, Harry let go of Monty, bent down and grabbed him before sitting back up and grinning  
“Your dog is so cute, I’m going to take him home with me” Harry grinned as the camera came back towards them  
“You can’t just take my dog” Louis gasped  
“Why not?” Harry smiled  
“Because he’s mine” Louis pouted, Harrys eyes shone and he shrugged kissing the top of Monty’s head, Louis had never felt more jealous of a dog before.  
“We’ll I’m not giving him back” Harry stated firmly smirking at Louis  
“I suppose I’ll have to bring you back with him then” Louis said trying to hide a smile as Harry giggled  
“looks like you will” he smirked  
“leave your flirting until the show is over” Zayn winked, Louis scrunched up the remaining cue cards and threw them at him  
“Shut up, Well that’s it for ‘Sass the Week’ Points today stand at five points for Liams team and fourteen points for Zayns team, give it up for the awesome onesies and everyone make sure Niall doesn’t go for a shower!”  
“Aye-aye captain” Liam smiled  
“That was that and this is this. I’ve been your host Louis Tomlinson and remember, if you liked it, don’t come back!” The theme tune ran out though out the studio and confetti fell around them. Louis tapped Harrys bum who stood up as Louis did too  
“I still hate you” Louis muttered as Zayn placed an arm around his shoulder and Liam pushed Harry into his other side “I really fucking hate you” Louis couldn’t help the huge grin that lit up his face as Harry put an arm around Louis’ middle, Louis copying him  
“We love you too Lou-Lou” Zayn grinned giving him a sloppy kiss on his cheek as the lights returned to normal and the director took a breath  
“Cut guys” He said and walked off. Louis pushed Zayn off him with a laugh and received a lick on his ear by Monty, he grimaced and turned to Monty pulling a face at him, Harry laughed and pulled away from Louis  
“I meant what I said, I’m keeping your dog” He said before walking away laughing. Louis made a noise of protest and followed Harry as he walked out of the studio  
“Give me my doggy” Louis whined  
“Never” Harry called out, Louis jogged up behind Harry and grabbed his arm, gulping at how they tensed beneath his fingers  
“gimme” Louis pouted as Harry stopped and looked at him with a smirk  
“No” he grinned  
“Why?” Louis challenged  
“Because he’s really cute and it also means as long as I’m holding onto him, you won’t go anywhere” he replied  
“Stop using my dog for blackmail!” Louis gasped  
“no” Harry smiled, Louis rolled his eyes and let go of Harrys arm missing the contact of their skin  
“What do you want in exchange for my dog?” He asked leaning against the wall watching Harry sway a little with the dog before he stepped forwards. Louis gulped as Harry got closer  
“Okay, I know something” Harry said as Monty looked between them confused  
“What’s that?” Louis asked  
“That you accompany me to the cinema next week and a meal somewhere” He said, eyes more questioning now and expectant, Louis bit his lip as he felt his stomach flutter and he fort back a giggle  
“okay” He replied, his voice slightly off, but as he smiled he saw Harry visibly relax and a smile grew on his face too  
“Okay” he grinned before handing Monty to Louis and leaning down to kiss Louis’ cheek which flushed red at contact. Harry stepped back cheeks red too.  
“Put your number in it” Louis said getting his phone out of his pocket “Told you it was my phone” He smiled  
Harry bit his lip and reached out to take it. He let out a snort of laughter at Louis’ screensaver, which was a picture of Louis and Zayn at a HMV fangirling in the window at a Little mix and Harry Styles poster. Louis dropped his head into Monty’s fur with a groan because it was quite embarrassing and he always forgot he had it as his screensaver.  
“Here” Harry said holding Louis phone out to him, Louis looked up and grabbed it with red cheeks and Harry giggled, Louis watched him with a smile. Harry was endearing in very possible way and Louis wasn’t sure he could say goodbye now that he’d met him.  
“So-“  
“can-“ They both stopped and Louis laughed  
“What were you going to say?” Louis asked  
“Can I um- could I- okay so I’ve been waiting for this moment since I watched your first show you know, and Niall was driven crazy with it and stuff and I’m not very good with this sort of stuff” He stopped and took a deep breath “so I’ve really liked you even though we’d never met but you’re exactly what I’d expected if not more and I don’t know if they were all just joking or what but I’m just going to – and if you hate me after this we went three years without meeting properly so-“ By the time Harry had finished Louis had put Monty on the floor, straightened up and arranged his hair using the window behind Harry to help as he looked back at Harry he gasped because Harry pushed him into the wall and his lips were definitely on Louis’ and Louis was in shock but he was also extremely ecstatic and responded when his brain caught up hands carding into Harrys hair as Harry held Louis’ hips.  
Their lips moved slick, and Louis had wanted this for so long. In the end it had only taken an hour and a half of torture from his friends spandex, Giant ducks and fluffy onesies to happen. Louis began to giggle into Harry’s mouth  
“What?” Harry muttered sounding a little put out, Louis bit his lip and opened his eyes  
“Those fucking shorts Harry” Louis smiled, Harry smirked and bit his lip  
“I still have them on under this” He winked and looked down at his outfit and back at Louis  
“Fuck off do you” Louis replied feeling his dick respond, his cheeks heated up and he willed for that not to happen.  
“I could always take it off and show you?” He asked, Louis choked on his tongue and bit his lip closing his eyes for a second before opening them again and looking at Harry.  
“You’re trying to kill me I swear” Louis replied shaking his head  
“No I’m not, if I did I wouldn’t be able to kiss you and I’d quite like to do it again” he replied his eyes darting over Louis face, Louis felt himself smile and he pushed his hands into Harrys hair as he pulled his face forwards, joining their lips together again.  
“Thank fuck for that” Zayns voice carried down the hall way and Louis held up his middle finger as Harry deepened the kiss pushing Louis further into the wall. He heard Zayn groan and walk off. He smiled before his hands cupped Harrys bum and he bought him even closer.


End file.
